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A woman came home to find her retired
husband waving a rolled up newspaper round his head.
An elderly couple decide
to go for a meal on their anniversary and after some deliberation
decide on their local Chinese restaurant. They peruse the menu and
finally agree to share the chef's special chicken surprise.
An elderly couple, Ray
and Bessie, are "snowbirds" in Texas. Ray always wanted
a pair of authentic cowboy boots. Seeing some on sale one day, he
buys them and wears them home, walking proudly.
Old Age Memory
A husband and wife, both in their 80's, visit their doctor and complain of short-term memory loss. After listening, the doctor suggests that they may want to write down the things they would like to remember. The couple agree that this would be a good idea.
A few days go by and the husband and wife are in bed late one evening when the wife says she could go for a bowl of ice cream. The husband volunteers to go down to the kitchen and dish it up.
"Do you think you should write it down like the doctor said?" the wife asks.
"No, I think I can remember a bowl of ice cream," replies the husband, as he heads downstairs.
After a few minutes the husband comes through the door and presents his wife with a platter of bacon and eggs.
"I knew this would
happen!" she exclaimed. "You forgot my toast!"
gentleman went to apply for Social Security.
There was an old man sitting on his porch watching the rain fall. Pretty soon the water was coming over the porch and into the house.
The old man was still sitting there when a rescue boat came and the people on board said, "You can't stay here you have to come with us."
The old man replied, "No, God will save me." So the boat left. A little while later the water was up to the second floor, and another rescue boat came, and again told the old man he had to come with them.
The old man again replied, "God will save me." So the boat left him again.
An hour later the water was up to the roof and a third rescue boat approached the old man, and tried to get him to come with them.
Again the old man refused to leave stating that, "God will save him." So the boat left him again.
Soon after, the man drowns and goes to heaven, and when he sees God he asks him, "Why didn't you save me?"
God replied, "You idiot, I tried. I sent three boats after you!!"
The result of this was that their Grandad never received any thank-yous for the very generous cheques he'd written to the kids. However, the following year, things were different.
"All the Kids came over personally to thank me" said the Grandad in a triumphant manner...
"That's great," said his friend, "why do you think they decided to change their behaviour?"
"Well, that's easy," declared Grandad, "this year I didn't sign the cheques..."
An old man gets on a crowded bus and no one gives him a seat. As the bus shakes, the old man cane slips on the floor and he falls.
As he gets up, an 8 year old kid, sitting nearby turns to him and says, 'Sir if you put a little rubber thingy on the end of your stick, it wouldn't slip.'
The old man Snaps back, 'Well, Sonny, if your Daddy did the same thing eight years ago, I'd have a bloody seat today!!!'
When they ask to see the baby, the 65 year old mother says "not yet." A little later they ask to see the baby again. Again the mother says "not yet."
Finally they say, "When can we see the baby?" And the mother says, "When the baby cries." And they ask, "Why do we have to wait until the baby cries?"
The new mother says, "because I forgot where I put it."
all those born before 1945 / Golden
Old Age poem
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